NOT SATIRE. I searched the Epstein Files. For real. This is not satire. Please note, of course, that there are millions upon millions of files and none of the findings here suggest any wrongdoing.

The Rempels of Abbotsford plant to celebrate Valentine’s Day in style this weekend by ordering the very cheapest items on the menu at Ricky’s. “Oba, I guess no Brekkie-bowl for me,” said Mrs. Rempel, ...

Millions of Americans were visibly upset this weekend after they had to sit through the Super Bowl’s first ever all-Plautdietsch halftime show. “Nobody understood a word of it,” said President Donald ...

For those looking for an alternative halftime show to either Bad Bunny or Kid Rock, the Fresno Central Mennonite Church is inviting guests to listen to their choir this afternoon. “We felt that Kid ...

Canadian provincial and federal leaders showed a united front this afternoon as they gathered in Saskatoon to see who was the better knipser. “Of course, Wab Kinew had a big advantage being from ...

After rolling out a test run at primary schools in Miami, Florida this week, the White House announced plans to provide every school in the country with a dairy cow and a Mennonite milk maid. “The ...

An unexpected speech from the first man to rebaptize someone as an adult, drew a standing ovation at the World Economic Forum in Switzerland this week. “Wow, that’s quite the reception,” said Conrad ...

Producers of the hit TV romance Heated Rivalry have already announced a change for season two–rather than a romance between two hockey players, the next season will feature two of Manitoba’s top ...

Influential author Philip Yantsied resigned his position this week after his moral failings were revealed. The news hit hard particularly in the Mennonite communities. “I’m saddened by the news, but ...

Thanks, everyone, for a great year. I have some exciting (real) news in the coming weeks so stay tuned. In the meantime, here is some fake news for you. Here are the top 10 most read Unger Review ...

In what critics are calling the “most tasteful renaming of a major American cultural institution in decades,” the Kennedy Center in Washington announced this week that they’d prefer it if people ...

Millions of Americans have signed a petition urging the White House to blockade and seize, if necessary, all oil tankers in the Canadian province of Saskatchewan. “We need to immediately send in our ...